|
GAFarmer
|
|
Silver Member
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 07/11/05
|
|
Posts: 170
|
|
Loc: Coolidge, Ga
|
|
My New Poem (Please Comment)
10/14/05 01:54 PM
|
Edit
|
Reply
|
|
|
Where I’m From
I am from a box,
A matchbox of a community.
A place where dogs roam free
And cows sometimes get out.
I come from a family
A loving and caring family
Who would do anything for me
And have always got my back.
I come from the soil
The same soil that my father and grandfather worked for so many years.
And from the diesel fuel that makes the tractor hum.
I come from the hunt
The thrill of killing a deer.
The sweet smell of #8 birdshot over a dove field in the morning.
And from the freezing cold that makes your toes want to fall off.
That’s where I come from.
"I hate lucky people, unless I happen to be the lucky person."- Cody Rehberg
Post Extras:
|
|
BlueRidge
|
|
Gold Member
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 05/07/05
|
|
Posts: 286
|
|
Loc: Virginia
|
|
Re: My New Poem (Please Comment)
[re: GAFarmer]
10/27/05 07:14 PM
|
|
Edit
|
Reply
|
|
|
Not bad, GA. Not sure about that box business, though. At first I thougt you were talking about life in the city, where people live in little matchbox houses.
Post Extras:
|
|
Pat
|
|
Veteran Member
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 09/15/02
|
|
Posts: 4904
|
|
Loc: SouthCentral Oklahoma
|
|
Re: My New Poem (Please Comment)
[re: BlueRidge]
11/13/05 10:03 AM
|
|
Edit
|
Reply
|
|
|
Pretty good stuff. I realize you employ poetic lisc. but how does #8 shot smell, compared to any other size? More likely you smell burning propellant.
I actually had to think about the box thing too as I was ready to go off on living in boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky tacky all just the same, but I got it.
 Pat
"I'm not from your planet, monkey boy!"
Post Extras:
|
|
egon
|
|
Veteran Member
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 09/12/02
|
|
Posts: 3031
|
|
Loc: Nova Scotia,Canada
|
|
Re: My New Poem (Please Comment)
[re: Pat]
11/13/05 10:29 AM
|
|
Edit
|
Reply
|
|
|
In reply to:
little boxes made of ticky tacky all just the same,
There is an older Folk Song sung by a lady with a gravelly voice the employs almost the same words.
Egon
Post Extras:
|
|
Pat
|
|
Veteran Member
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 09/15/02
|
|
Posts: 4904
|
|
Loc: SouthCentral Oklahoma
|
|
Re: My New Poem (Please Comment)
[re: egon]
11/13/05 11:16 AM
|
|
Edit
|
Reply
|
|
|
Egon, I didn't think of the folk song as old but that,of course, is where I got the turn of phrase, and I am not familiar with a gravely voiced female rendition but like the commercial version played on the radio in the 60's. The Kingston Trio did this too I think.
I miss the popularity of folk songs and regret not stocking up on recordings when they were easy to get. Now to effect a glance in the direction of the thread title...
Many fine folk songs were poems set to music and as such had to have a regularity missing from this example of blank verse.
Pat
"I'm not from your planet, monkey boy!"
Post Extras:
|
Previous
Index
Next
Flat
Threaded